this weekend

• sailing
• campfire with smores
• drive-in movie with meatball subs
• brunch with parents
• little girl's birthday party
• hanging with grandparents

There has been a lot going on in terms of events on the schedule and emotional issues. I am exhausted. My grandparents moving is still weighing heavy on my heart. I started sobbing at lunch with them again. I can't seem to have a meal with them without crying.

My grandma gave me a St. Francis statue to put in my yard- she has had it for over thirty years- before she lived in Tulsa. He is a symbol of my efforts to heal and deal with this whole 3 year saga. I've got to be able to think about my family and smile- to recall fond memories and not feel overwhelming sadness. For whatever reason, I can look at St. Francis by my doorstep and feel peace and even joy for what I have shared with my grandparents- hopefully most of my thoughts and feelings about them will turn into this.

Deep breaths. Thank God for Ryan and Walter- they keep me smiling. I love to be close to them.